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New Book Launch That Will Literally Change Lives: The Umbrella Picker by Jane McNeice

She was lost for 45 years!

A Lost Girl’s journey to self-identity and finding her neurological truth

On Tuesday 16th August, Jane McNeice, will publish her debut book, a memoir about living for 45 years as undiagnosed Autistic.

From a survey of 750,000 people, Cambridge University established that 87,000 people met the cut off criteria for Autism, illustrating societal numbers of 11.6% Autistic, much higher than the 1.57 actually diagnosed. There are more lost Autistics than found.

Many undiagnosed Autistics are suffering, and their presentation is within mental health services, substance misuse services, and the criminal justice system.

Females are often known to socially mask and hide in plain sight presenting as neurotypical. “I have socially masked so much, and for so long, I even socially mask in my dreams.”

Estimates suggest between 4-23% of people with eating disorder are Autistic. Why are we not screening those with eating disorders for Autism?

Autism is illustrated to be highly genetic, why are we not screening the parents of Autistic children? Two of my diagnosed Autistic children share different fathers, I am the common denominator that illustrates a genetic link.

Myself and my daughter self-identified, then identified Autistic traits in our children. We are now diagnosed, one child is diagnosed, the others are waiting for assessment. Over the years 90+ health care and educational professionals have observed my daughter and me, NONE identified we were Autistic. Knowledge is shockingly poor!

I can pattern spot 78% faster than my neurotypical counterparts, and I can spot other Autistic people, with my very reliable (but not empirical) post-diagnosis neuroscopic ability which I refer to as my Neuroscope!

Why do we need to found? To ease our pain and suffering! To find our identity. You cannot build self-esteem without knowing who you are. Self-identification is a psychological intervention that transforms lives!

The Umbrella Picker tells the true story of a woman who felt lost for 45 years. After a long and relentless journey of searching for answers, the hand of
fate finally revealed to her what she had waited a lifetime for.

The answer was life changing. She is no longer lost, and having found her own, unique way, Jane has written the (brutally honest!) book she wished was available to her years earlier.

If you are feeling lost to yourself, this heartfelt and compelling book may answer your unanswered questions and help you to finally find yourself.

“The fact that you have been so open and honest about your life journey is so inspirational to Autistic women.”

Helen Pass, another ‘Lost Girl’ found

“Jane does not shy away from addressing her own mental health experiences, her fears and feelings of isolation. The reader is left feeling Jane has truly peeled away masking layers to portray her true self through her writing.”

Manar Matusiak from Living Autism, who trained me to be an Autism Champion

The Umbrella Picker will be available on Amazon paperback and Amazon Kindle from 16th August, with an introductory launch day price of £9.99 paperback and £2.99 Kindle. Full price £12.99 paperback, £5.99 Kindle

Order here

London Marathon, by Jane McNeice

Whether I finish the 26.2 miles on 2nd October will come down to two things, whether I’ve physically trained enough, and whether I am mentally strong enough.

And so the battle begins, with my body and my brain:

Water infections because the training makes me ‘run down’ (no pun intended)
Lost, loose, and bruised toe nails
Blisters on toe ends
A sore undercarriage and boobs
Aching limbs
Constant hunger and fridge picking
Constantly trying out different sportswear and medical dressings for least friction best fit
Post training exhaustion and need for sleep

But the most challenging battle…

A brain that tells me I can’t do this, I’m too tired
A brain that is wondering where exactly I will get water stops and how I will cope with the lack of familiarity of the route
A brain that keeps asking what if I eat too much or too little on the morning
A brain that keeps asking whether I am I training enough (especially during the last two weeks as I am on holiday so have dropped the distances to 10k every two days)
A brain that keeps asking, have I done everything I need l so I am permitted to run on the day
A brain that is asking what will happen if public transport goes on strike and I can’t get there with plan A (…and will people support plan B?)
A brain that is making me feel guilty for leaving my kids with others so I can run
A brain that keeps asking what I will do if I can’t get my number and running pack
A brain that keeps asking how I will cope if I meltdown in front of all those people
A brain that is frightened of all those people
A brain that affirms my feeling alone and lack of support through very little sponsorship, and is trying so hard to remind itself of the tough financial times people are in
A brain that keeps telling me NO

But that very same brain does that to me with most things in life. It tells me “I cannot” “should not” and “should do”, but what it doesn’t bargain for is one key element to my armour…

With my Autistic brain came something that would help me fight back, something that would overcome my lack of confidence and ability to cope with unknowns, and that was ‘determination’ – the stuff of grit – the thing that makes the impossible possible.

I don’t know whether I will run all the way, walk a bit, or crawl, but what I am damn sure of, is I WILL cross that finish line, come hell or high water, and it will be my determination that makes it so, the same determination that has helped me cope through life not knowing I was Autistic for the first 45 years.

I simply hold myself to one thing “I WILL cross the finish line” because the cause is enough #autism

If you’d like to support my crossing of the finish line, you can do so here. I thank you in advance 💞 https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/jane-mcneice1

#TeamAutism #actuallyautistic #ASD #lostgirl #latediagnosis #latediagnosed #neurodivergent

This is the 7 year old girl who felt lost

This is the 7 year old girl who felt lost, lonely, ugly, and unlovable. She doesn’t yet know she will wait another 38 years to find the reason for those feelings…

At the age of 45 she will find the answer to her ‘Why?’ She will learn that she is different, but not wrong. She will learn that she experiences the world in a different way, through a different brain type, and has different needs which must be met if she is to stay well. Needs that won’t be met up until that point. She will learn she is actually Autistic.

On 16th August, my book, which documents my experience of living for 45 years undiagnosed Autistic, as a ‘Lost Girl’, will be published. I wrote my lived experience with one intention, to help other ‘Lost Girls’ (and boys) to find themselves, to self-identify, and to find the answer to their ‘why’. We are so often mirrors to one another, my reflection is yours. I share my story because, when we live a life lost, we suffer, some more so than others, and tragically, some will die as a result of that suffering. Self-identification, and for those that choose it, subsequent clinical diagnosis, can be life-changing. We no longer feel so lost and unloveable, and we feel less lonely because we find our tribe, our people. It can make surviving in a world not created by us, for us, or with us, survivable.

I have written the book I so desperately wish someone had written for me 30 years ago, and I am able to write it because I know the pain of not knowing who you are and searching a lifetime for the answer to your ‘Why?’ I have been emancipated from my chains. I now turn to help others become free from theirs…

Available on Amazon in paperback and Amazon Kindle e-book from 16th August 2022. Audio book to follow.

The day I stopped Searching… by Jane McNeice

On 3rd October 2021 I’m running the ‘virtual’ London Marathon for the National Autistic Society and today is my ‘Coming Out’ day…

On 22nd June 2021 I was diagnosed Autistic after 45 years of searching for answers to unfathomable questions and being mis-diagnosed with Anxiety disorders. I AM anxious, all of the time in fact, but that’s because I am Autistic not because I am mentally ill per se. Today I am owning My Autism, and the Awesome that it also provides . I don’t need you to believe in the Awesome, I just need to.

To those who I could never express how I felt to or who I walked away from because of that, who’s name I forgot, or who thought I was quiet or aloof, or to those I interrupted when I tried to guess when to speak in a room full of people, these are just a few of the many parts of my Autism. Please try to understand that I’ve been a square peg in a round hole all my life.

As a neurodiverse person in a neurotypical world I was discriminated against from day one because society expects everyone to be neurotypical, I am not. I socially mask pretty much all of the time in order to fit in, and with most people in my life, and I have various masks (…so if you’re thinking, she doesn’t look autistic, well yes that’s because I’ve spent the last 45 years crafting the art of masking – I’m a chameleon and I’m good at it, mostly). I have to work incredibly hard to do the job I do as a trainer and running my own company, but my own suffering is what drives me to help others through my work.

Today I’m removing the mask to reveal the real me, and publicly in writing, because writing is what I find easiest and where I can express myself, and because masking is totally exhausting! Sadly masking is also a strong predictor of suicide in Autistics, it is dangerous. I personally cannot run and mask at the same time so I am running solo on 3rd October and will do the Marathon virtually, all 26.2 miles of it!

I’m doing this for me as part of my acceptance of being Autistic, but also to raise awareness of Autism in girls and women in the hope that we stop missing girls who are autistic because they are well behaved and quiet at school and because they are high achievers or successful. They are often successful because of the awesome side of their Autism. If you know or support girls with relentless anxiety (or depression) please stop to question whether there is more to this person than you or they yet know, or whether the professionals have failed to find the fundamental issue. I found my own answer months earlier from a social media post describing girls with Autism, I knew immediately. It wasn’t a clinical professional who found the answer, it was me, though it still required a clinical professional to medically diagnose it. It should never have taken 45 difficult years.

My other hope in raising awareness is to discourage comments like “we’re all a bit autistic” or “well, we’re all on the spectrum somewhere.” Only if 99% are at zero autism and 1% full. Such statements, often well intended, take my own and other neurodiverse people’s experiences and re-group us as neurotypical, which we are clinically proven (to the required level) not to be, and many of us have fought tirelessly to prove that and to find the truth to our suffering. It’s like saying we’re all a bit pregnant when someone is feeling nauseous and a bit bloated. Such statements invalidate 45 years of painful searching, daily anxiety, chronic IBS, and invalidate each and every time I’ve felt that life is not worth living. If you believe such statements as your truth keep it for you, or maybe research it and see if it is in fact true rather than something you’ve heard along the way. For me it does more harm than good to my experience, but I cannot express that to you directly when you say it because of how my Autism effects me.

If you’d like to help me on 3rd October, and all the other #lostgirls of my generation, you might like to support my fundraising for the National Autistic Society, and we all thank you in advance for your generosity 💖 #nomorelostgirls #autism https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Jane-McNeice

Not all Autistics love Animals

I often come across Autistic people that prefer the company of animals over people, and the presumption that all Autistic people are animal lovers. I am not. Or at least if I am, there’s a huge barrier getting in the way. I cannot love animals in the way that I’d like to because they frighten me. I find them unpredictable, especially dogs!

About three months ago I was out running and an ‘off the leash’ dog chased me jumping up and barking at me. The owner could not get control of the dog. I said “I’m Autistic and I’m frightened of dogs” but he didn’t seem to comprehend. He eventually took control of the dog and I ran off, went into immediate Autistic meltdown, and cried all the way home while feeling unable to breathe.

Two weeks after that my husband announced one Saturday night that ‘WE’ were getting a dog the following Monday afternoon. I was devastated! It made me feel depressed, and all I could think was ‘my husband could have lived without a dog, I could not live WITH one.’ A dog would compromise my very existence. I resisted, resented, voiced my concerns, gave every practical reason that it was a stupid thing to do, and lost the campaign. Never once did I utter the words “It’s the dog or me?” because I still live with the ‘Lost Girl’ insecurities that the dog would be chosen, not me. Many Autistic people will relate to that, perhaps more so the late diagnosed like myself.

So, the dog arrived… I dragged my heels at the office on the Monday not wanting to leave and go home, and for the succeeding weeks pretended the dog did not even exist.

Over the last 10 weeks I have slowly, but not fully, come to terms with Chester’s presence. He is teaching me about him, and he is teaching me about me.

He’s taught me how much I need my Autistic obsessions/SPINS to survive and that one of the reasons I struggle with him is that he compromises my ability to partake in them. He sabotages my obsessions, and conspires against my decompression moments.

But… we are slowly reaching an acceptance of one another, finding a way of living together. Emotionally I’m still working on a connection, but practically we are getting there. In the last two weeks he has become my new running buddy. He can’t yet do the half marathons as he’s too young, but he runs the first 5 miles with me, and his dad meets us and takes him home while I do the rest. We have a companionship kind of relationship.

Chester and I share many characteristics. We both have off the charts determination. He could easily run further but is too young at the moment for the longer distances. His fire red coat is as red as the fire in my belly for positive change for Autistic people, and he too is constantly restless, and always hungry!

As for my husband, well, he’s still in the blooming dog house!!!! 😂